I am the anti-matter of the Internet

Waaay back in the 1920s and 30s, scientists discovered the existence of anti-particles. An anti-particle is the dark shadow particle of the regular particles we all know and love. These anti-particles have the same mass (which is how you distinquish the 'flavour' of sub-atomic particle--electron, neutron, etc.) but the opposite charge of their workaday counterparts. And when a particle and its anti-particle come into contact, they annihilate each other in a blast of energy.

The anti-particle of an electron is a positron. The anti-particle of hydrogen is antihydrogen. The anti-matter of the Internet is me. When it and I collide, the result is annihilation, accompanied by a loud blast of energy emanating from the vicinity of my mouth. Just in the last 3 days, my computer has been completely frozen by my security software--which, ironically, I use to protect me from the predatory menaces of the Internet that can get into my system and freeze it--my e-mail host is down again (it happens at least once a month), and for some reason I seem to cause time to slow down for Mozilla Firefox, because every Web page takes at least 2 minutes to load, which as we all know is just a hair shy of eternity when you're surfing.

I don't blame my security software, e-mail host, or Mozilla. I know it's just physics--me, coming into contact with the Internet = annihilation. The regular laws of the universe no longer hold. Really, it's a miracle that I'm able to blog at all.