Friday, January 05, 2007

My new winter footwear.

I believe we've seen our last winter here in Ontario-Quebec. Who knew that last March, as I was strapping on my snowshoes for a little late-season jaunt, it would be the last time I'd ever need them? Winter is dead.

I honestly believe we've seen the finale of our -5 to -15 January and February temperatures. The last of 4-5 feet of snow accumulation. The end of our lovely groomed x-country ski trails in the Gatineaus. The final gasps of downhill and boarding fun (unless you live near on the Rockies). Hasta la vista, snowshoes.

My first thought was: with no more cold weather, whatever will we Canadians complain about? We'll lose our identity! We're The People Who Survive Hellish Winters. But then I remembered the Government. Thank God for the Government. With them, our formless rage will always have a target.

So I've been quite depressed, not to mention seasonally confused every time I step out into the Octoberish temperatures and snowlessness that is my globally warmed country. I thought I had it bad. But at Christmas, I talked to my cousin in the French Alps. Yeah, she was telling me all about her depression over having a green Christmas. In the Alps. No snow. IN THE ALPS. Not a flake of crystallized water to be found.

And the lies Hollywood has told us about all this! I thought global warming was supposed to lead to the next Ice Age?! I was all prepared for that. Faithful lemming that I am, I watched The Day After Tomorrow (with barf-bag in hand re: crap dialogue and shameless plot histrionics). I've even tried to get my hands on a copy of An Inconvenient Truth, but the top-secret global Agency of Dis-Information has clearly been working overtime to keep it unavailable for online or in-store purchase. Still, I thought, Hah. Ice Age. That's the best you can do, Climate Change? A frozen wasteland? BRING IT ON! We Canadians eat frozen wastelands with afternoon tea!

If anyone can survive an Ice Age, it's people who dig themselves out of blizzards daily. But October in January? I don't think we can survive this. Above all else, it's just plain boring to live here without snow. For the love of God, if we don't have winter sports, we'd better at least get some decent shopping in this one-horse town. Because with no snow I plan to indulge my shoe fetish year round.


Blogger angrycandy said...

i want to throttle all the people that are loving this weather and saying stuff like "enjoy it while you can!" enjoy it? it's plus ten in january! does this not alarm people? are they that happy that they don't have to shovel driveways that they're willing to overlook EVERYTHING else? (failed crops, confused animals, ruined gardens, loss of wintersports, melting icebergs, failing overpasses, mass weather and environmental changes etc....) i hate humans...we i really want to go cross country skiing!
i was listening to the cbc this morning and they were commenting on why the environment seems to be a higher priority for canadians and politicians now and they were wondering why the sudden interest...(plug interview with pundit of the day in here) gee...i wonder...maybe it's cause it's plus ten in january! i keep putting on my down-filled parka and walking to work, melting in a pool of sweat by the time i get there...but i refuse to dress lightly! it's january! i'll stop now...sorry..i'm just really bummed out by this winter...i find it exeedingly depressing to have it dark by 4:30 p.m. without the accompanying snow to lighten up the night a little...i'm all confused...i feel lost...

4:25 PM  
Blogger Fat Sparrow said...

Cheer up, at least you don't have the 119 F degree weather we had here in So Cal last summer.

You may not have any snow, but Canada has not turned in to the face of the fucking sun yet, unlike my backyard, which faces West.

Since the "Rainy Season" started here, in November, we have had 2 days of rain. One of those days it only sprinkled.

Sign me up for Canada, now that you're minus the snow. I've heard the Arctic Circle beachfront property is still going cheap, but Trump's already started speculating, so snap it up now. Once he starts importing palm trees, the prices will be sure to go up.

And yes, "The Day After Tomorrow" sucked big donkey dong, but I did have to laugh at that scene where all the gringo Americans were trying to bust through the border to Mexico, much to the consternation of the Federales.

5:27 AM  
Blogger ni_de_montreal said...

skip 'inconvenient truth'; see 'children of men' instead. it's a more compellling parable and will even cure a latent aversion to clive owen (if you happen to have suffered from one, which I had). personally i thought AIT was pappy, but i think i'm one of a few?

9:39 PM  
Blogger whyioughtta said...

AC: Yes, there are definitely the two camps: the Hummer-Dummys or "I love it" people and the Doomy-Gloomers or "Armageddon is upon us" people. The truth's probably somewhere in between, with a definite lean towards Doomy-Gloomy. But, it's cold and snowy now--so things are looking up!

FS: First, how are you feeling??!! Are you all better? On the subject of climate change, it's really scary how many bloggers from around the world are reporting the kinds of anomialies you're talking about. Also, I feel for the polar bears if they have to spend their last 20 years of existence staring at Donald Trump's combover. If I were them I'd be all "please just kill me now."

NdeM: Merry Thingy and Happy Whatsit! Sorry we were unable to connect...I barred myself from the computer machine for a week and didn't get your e-mail until after the fact.

I'll take your advice on the Children of Men. I too have developed a strong and inexplicable Owens aversion. Maybe this will help. I'll see AIT too, if only for bad-movie-review fodder.

10:04 AM  
Blogger Fat Sparrow said...

No, not all better, but hanging in there and still undergoing testing and poke and prods. Boring, boring stuff.

Can we not arrange for a polar bear to eat Donald Trump? That's what I was hoping for.

6:12 AM  
Blogger jackp said...

update...the snow has arrived.

please step away from the shoe stores...!


10:29 AM  

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