Ye Olde Me
That’s right you, ya little whippersnapper....
...Let me tell ya something about ageing:
You know how you thought you’d be young forever? First person to hit 85 without a single wrinkle? "Kids? I’ll have ‘em later." Don’t like yer job? "I’ll just go back to school."
You thought ageing was all….gradual-like…didn’t ya? Like, ya get a little older every day so nobody’ll notice—least of all you? A frog doesn’t notice when it’s being boiled alive, eh?
Well that’s all lies. LIES!
Aging is…er…quantum-like. You know what I mean by quantum, dontcha? One day you’re walking around like a strutty little peacock. Next day you get up from your chair and WHAM! your goddam foot falls off. Shatters into a thousand different pieces. For no good reason other than quantum ageing.
Nope, ageing is not a gradual thing. You never know what part’s gonna fall off or flatten out next. Pffffft! There go your butt cheeks. Paaaaaaahhhhst! There goes your face. Swwwivvvvfff! Your chin just sprouted pubic hair. POP! Looks like somebody needs bifocals.
So enjoy it while you’ve got it, cuz one day you’ll wake up and find your legs don’t want to straighten out and that ‘crick’ in your neck is actually your spine, permanently locked at a 47-degree angle.
I’m off to take some nudie pictures. My boobs aren’t scheduled to fall until June.
(Now go have some fun! While you can.)