Thursday, December 14, 2006

Sling, sling a schlong

It seems that everywhere I turn these days, there is talk of penises.

They're everywhere, often leaving a stream of heartache and confusion in their wake. They misrule some of the world's most powerful nations. They coerce men to buy gas-guzzling Hummers and shoot furry animals. I suspect they're even behind global warming. And now it seems the study of the male package--schlongology, dickistics, wangistry, whatever you want to call it--may actually heal this beautiful planet which said package has, for so long, uh, spat upon.

A few days ago, Kav shared this fascinating story about the epidemic of overisized condoms that has seized India. It seems men in India don't buy condoms because the standard condom size is too big, so their love-gloves are forever slipping off or breaking or otherwise wreaking havoc. Clearly, this is why is India so overpopulated. The BBC coverage was a little naughty, dwelling for instance on how the study measured dongs from the "full length and breadth" of India, etc., but it was nevertheless fascinating (not to mention surprising...I always thought that Indian men...well, nevermind.)

So by studying Indian penis size, condom suppliers will be able to better penetrate the Asian market, which may actually lead to safer sex and more flaccid population growth.

Then today, the NYTimes leads with this story about how circumcision HALVES a man's risk of contracting H.I.V. from heterosexual sex. HALVES. That's pretty significant. But I found this explanation of the phenomenon a little hard to swallow:

"Uncircumcised men are thought to be more susceptible because the underside of the foreskin is rich in Langerhans cells, sentinel cells of the immune system, which attach easily to the human immunodeficiency virus, which causes AIDS. The foreskin also often suffers small tears during intercourse."

Now, I'm no man, but already this article has mentioned 1. circumcision--the slicing off thing and 2. the foreskin-tearing-during-sex thing. I'm getting a little uncomfortable with all the ins and outs.

But then I see this:

"Circumcision is “not a magic bullet, but a potentially important intervention,” said Dr. Kevin M. De Cock, director of H.I.V./AIDS for the World Health Organization."

That is a direct quote. I did not change Dr.Kevin's name. Truly, there are forces operating in this universe which we do not understand. HOW could that be a coincidence? Unless the NYTimes is trying to stick it to us, of course.

If you've never conducted penis research yourself, I suggest you start here. Do you know what animal has the largest member in the world? Prepare to be disturbed yet strangely intrigued.

If you come across any other hard news stories about penises, be sure to shoot them my way.

13 Comments:

Blogger Ann-imal said...

My gawd... I went to that Wikipedia article about the "pocket rocket" (at work of all places) purely because I was sure that the "what animal/mammal has the largest penis" was a Trivial Pursuit question and I love trivia and saw a picture that made me want to carve my eyes out of my head... Okay, but really, what made you write about this subject?

Oh yeah, I had a dream about you and Jack and the band last night and you guys were really popular and you and I were looking at all these really large copies/printouts (like the size of the paper in a printshop that looks like a large roll of material) of various reviews about the CD... It was truly surreal.

So, how was the party?

3:41 PM  
Blogger whyioughtta said...

What made me write about this?

Its omnipresence.

Seriously. NYTimes. BBC. My shower. It's everywhere, man.

"Worship the penis."

(I think that movie was the first sign of T.Cruise's mental unravelling. I bet that character was kinda autobiographical for the ol' nutbag...no pun intended.)

9:37 PM  
Blogger Ann-imal said...

Interesting that these two reputable news organizations have decided to focus on "the appendage"... What, news a little slow these days? Not enough ________ (insert topic of your choice i.e. war, famine, climatic meltdown, genocide, poverty etc. etc.)?

As for your shower, now do you have one just hovering around or are you referring to your husband? Ha!

BTW - Happy Holidays! ;-)

10:00 AM  
Blogger bobbysan said...

"Respect the cock"

10:03 AM  
Blogger whyioughtta said...

Bobbysan: I stand corrected. Leave it to you to know the actual quote!

Annimal: ...your "Hovering He-part" notion intrigues me.

Yes, quite intriguing.

(Happy H-days 2 u 2)

10:21 AM  
Blogger Ann-imal said...

Bobby said "cock"!

10:36 AM  
Blogger tsduff said...

If you don't already know about it, check out this place Penis Museum.... We visited it whilst in Husavik, Iceland, and it was very interesting! Nice post BTW.

2:42 PM  
Blogger whyioughtta said...

OH.

MY.

GOD.

Tsduff, that may be the most fascinating/bizarre museum ever. The Wikipedia description is HILARIOUS. "Phallology". IT HAS A NAME!

They have samples of penises of every mammal living in Iceland..."Although the museum does not yet have a homo sapiens specimen, in the interest of advancing phallological knowledge, a patron has donated, presumably posthumously, an affidavit for his own penis."

ROTFLOL!!!!

Welcome to the blog, and thanks for sharing! I have always wanted to go to Iceland, but now I want to go more than ever.

3:11 PM  
Blogger tsduff said...

:-) There are more than penises there - also bull scrotum lamps, paintings, a penis phone just to name a few... the list is quite diverse. Of course, there are many things to see whilst in Iceland, but this place was on my list of places to see, and we were not disappointed. Thanks for the kind words on my blog. You also have a very fun blog. Hope you do make it to Iceland one day - as you can see it just took me over, and now I'm obsessed.

5:08 PM  
Blogger Molecular Turtle said...

Hahah love the innuendo. I have to say though that you're blaming the penis when you should be blaming two other parts. Hopefully solving that one won't drive you nuts.

3:53 PM  
Blogger whyioughtta said...

Right you are, MT. You've really bagged that one...

11:22 AM  
Blogger Gizzy said...

Is it a coincidence that The Strokes appears in the right-hand column beside the end of this blog entry?

G.

1:04 PM  
Blogger whyioughtta said...

Note also The Hives...

4:47 AM  

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