Sling, sling a schlong

It seems that everywhere I turn these days, there is talk of penises.

They're everywhere, often leaving a stream of heartache and confusion in their wake. They misrule some of the world's most powerful nations. They coerce men to buy gas-guzzling Hummers and shoot furry animals. I suspect they're even behind global warming. And now it seems the study of the male package--schlongology, dickistics, wangistry, whatever you want to call it--may actually heal this beautiful planet which said package has, for so long, uh, spat upon.

A few days ago, Kav shared this fascinating story about the epidemic of overisized condoms that has seized India. It seems men in India don't buy condoms because the standard condom size is too big, so their love-gloves are forever slipping off or breaking or otherwise wreaking havoc. Clearly, this is why is India so overpopulated. The BBC coverage was a little naughty, dwelling for instance on how the study measured dongs from the "full length and breadth" of India, etc., but it was nevertheless fascinating (not to mention surprising...I always thought that Indian men...well, nevermind.)

So by studying Indian penis size, condom suppliers will be able to better penetrate the Asian market, which may actually lead to safer sex and more flaccid population growth.

Then today, the NYTimes leads with this story about how circumcision HALVES a man's risk of contracting H.I.V. from heterosexual sex. HALVES. That's pretty significant. But I found this explanation of the phenomenon a little hard to swallow:

"Uncircumcised men are thought to be more susceptible because the underside of the foreskin is rich in Langerhans cells, sentinel cells of the immune system, which attach easily to the human immunodeficiency virus, which causes AIDS. The foreskin also often suffers small tears during intercourse."

Now, I'm no man, but already this article has mentioned 1. circumcision--the slicing off thing and 2. the foreskin-tearing-during-sex thing. I'm getting a little uncomfortable with all the ins and outs.

But then I see this:

"Circumcision is “not a magic bullet, but a potentially important intervention,” said Dr. Kevin M. De Cock, director of H.I.V./AIDS for the World Health Organization."

That is a direct quote. I did not change Dr.Kevin's name. Truly, there are forces operating in this universe which we do not understand. HOW could that be a coincidence? Unless the NYTimes is trying to stick it to us, of course.

If you've never conducted penis research yourself, I suggest you start here. Do you know what animal has the largest member in the world? Prepare to be disturbed yet strangely intrigued.

If you come across any other hard news stories about penises, be sure to shoot them my way.