Mars, stars taken down a peg

In my calendar for August 27, 2006 you will find the following entry:

MARS day!!!!

Four exclamation marks. Four. That's how excited I was when I wrote it. I'm a big fan of outer space and physics and particles and planets. I think they're all good ideas; we should keep them around. So when I heard that Mars was going to come close to Earth on August 27--so close, in fact, that it would "appear to be the same size as the moon"--I nearly choked on my coffee and toast in excitement.

And then this morning, I'm getting ready to write a post informing both of my readers about the big Mars event. And I do a little extra digging online--trying to find information about it on, say, Discovery.com--and I discover that it's all a hoax. A pox upon the twit responsible for this hideous deception.

I was depressed about Mars' no-show until I read this. Seems that Hollywood is taking uber-divas like Cruise and Gibson and Lohan down a few notches. Let the car-wreck unfold.

Paramount has bitch-slapped Cruise into a pouty public 'You're fired! You can't fire me, I quit!! You're FIRED!!! No, I QUIT!!!!' match. Heh heh. Ever since the couch-leaping and Brooke-bashing episodes of late '05, I've been waiting for this.

And ABC cancelled a mini-series created by Gibson the Drunken Anti-Semite...on the...snnnnicker...on the...mmmmhhhhahahaha...sorry...I can barely get it out....mmmmmphhhhh....on the Holocaust! Can you believe a man that spewed anti-Jewish comments in a drunken rant had all along been preparing a mini-series on the Holocaust? Oh, Mel...how you amuse me.

And then there's Lindsay Lohan, my favourite fellow redhead (or as we prefer, 'firecrotch') to whom a production company 'wrote a scathing letter' for her diva-like behaviour. A scathing letter? Couldn't they have thought of something a little more ... dramatic and fun for celebrity voyeurs like me? I mean, what's next? Are they gonna take away her clothing allowance for the month? Make her eat her vegetables?

Now please take a few moments to appreciate the artistry of my graphic above. I've named this piece "Cruisiverse."

Have a nice day.