Thursday, December 06, 2007

Make mine an Hermes scarf, dear...

I was out for dinner with my aunt and mother the other night. When I told them I was planning on natural childbirth, they were not impressed. "Nobody's gonna give you a prize the next day, you know," my aunt informed me sternly. Which made me think...hmmm....maybe there SHOULD be some kind of prize. I mean, yeah yeah, the baby's the ultimate prize, etcetera etcetera. But I'm talking about a prize that doesn't produce poopy diapers.

Imagine my joy, then, when I came across this article on today's NYTimes.com. Baby baubles, push presents...whatever you want to call them, there's apparently this fabulous trend where daddies are giving mommies little tokens of appreciation for pushing their future NHL star into the universe through the great gates of life.

It seems there should be an ascending scale of value, though, depending on what type of birth you choose. All natural? Diamond studs. C-section? A gold pendant. All-natural breech birth: $10,000,000 cash.

Typically, jewellery companies have already jumped on board. Best yet worst advertising slogan of the year: “She delivered your first born; now give her twins.” (Referring to diamond earrings.)

Personally, I think my husband also deserves a gift for being so supportive and, well, proactive (sorry for the awful corporate word) in helping me with the physical challenges of pregnancy. I haven't gotten up to get myself a juice or picked up a heavy laundry basket since he knocked me up five months ago. It's been heavenly...Maybe I'll get him a new watch.

I haven't actually given birth yet, so it's hard to put in an order. But I hear natural childbirth hurts a little (or as one person in the article says "redefines the meaning of pain." That's a little ominous.) So I figure that has to be worth at least a $200 Hermes scarf. (Holt Renfrew, darling.)

15 Comments:

Blogger Mairéad said...

We have a little custom here in Ireland, which I think has been forgotten about during our Celtic Tiger bling phase, but I definitely availed of it after giving birth to our firstborn. The new Daddy buys the new Mommy a diamond ring called an eternity ring. I used to think it was called a maternity ring when I was little!!! Muh, same thing really! Mine is diamonds and sapphires - lovely. Go looking now, and purchasing in a few months!!

3:15 PM  
Blogger whyioughtta said...

Tomayto/tomahto...eternity/maternity...

I like that custom; gives me even more pride in my Irish heritage.

I am surfing over to the Hermes site right now... ;^)

2:56 PM  
Blogger DeepBlueSea said...

'Natural childbirth' - you mean like, no anesthesia?

11:10 PM  
Blogger whyioughtta said...

Yep, that's the one. No anesthesia, no epidural, only a cold, dark cabin in the woods, a bowl of lukewarm water, and an old piece of rawhide to bite down on...

2:25 PM  
Blogger DeepBlueSea said...

Cool. Sounds fun. Soooo retro!
But again, us guys miss out on all the fun!

6:55 PM  
Blogger DeepBlueSea said...

Have just put a little X in my calendar to mark the day you ran rampant through my blog. Still, I don't feel sullied/violated. Perhaps in time. Fingers crossed.


(Just ignore me!)

10:50 PM  
Blogger Klokka said...

Well, I don't know you, and you don't know me. Stumbled over your profile on the Sartorialist' blog.. And then found this nonsense of ladies telling you out of natural child birh. First: It is your descicion, and only yours (and consulting your doctor, that is).

I have given birth, absolutely painkiller-free and I am alive. It was not painless, but well, being a women, I'm sort of designed for giving birth.. The father did not give me anything. The baby was wonderful.

But, every child birth is different, and every woman is different. I supporse you're in a hospital, so you can alwys yell out for something if it gets to tough? There is a difference between a nine-hour birth and a thirty-hour birth..

(Only remember to put a knife under the bed to cut the pain. ..kidding..)

Hope you get your scarf anyway - you sound like a great scarf-bearer.

3:20 PM  
Blogger whyioughtta said...

Welcome, Klokka...

If all goes according to plan, I'll be giving birth at a "Centre des naissances" which is a provincially-funded, midwife-run birthing centre for women who want a more natural, non-hospital experience.

The thing about the Centres is that you don't have the option of an epidural, because it's all midwives...there are no doctors. So I've already decided that, barring complications, I'll be goin' all natural.

They're near a hospital and have all the equipment necessary to get you and the baby there safely if need be.

Thanks for the support--there are lots of people here who are still iffy about midwives/non-hospital births. I just figure that the hospital birth has only been the "norm" for about 60 years out of...a couple hundred thousand years. Humanity survived. I figure I will too, and so will the wee one.

7:02 PM  
Blogger Klokka said...

Tvi-tvi, as we say in Norway: meaning good luck, without the sometimes implied jinxing that follows the ordinary good luck.

As for my blog, that is utterly incomprehensible unless you read Norwegian. Sorry. To sum it up in a few words: It is about nothing (not the Seinfeld-nothing as it doesn't make a thing out of the nothing). Just simply nothing.

5:27 AM  
Blogger Nathalie said...

Arrived here through deepbluesea's blog. Enjoyed the read.

Your ultrasound photo on your last post was wonderful. Isn't it a magic moment when you can actually see that little pod inside you?

No pain killers during childbirth? It's the standard in France so that's what I got for my three kids (two were twins). You can always organise for a peridural, but on both occasions in the end there was a good reason for not administering it (they say it's too early and then that it's too late!).

Glad you're not going for a C-section. I defnitely believe it should be left to emergencies or specific situations. There's so much happening during a "real" childbirth! Good luck with that!

10:21 AM  
Blogger whyioughtta said...

Bonjour Nathalie,

Thanks for dropping by.

You had twins (!!!) Wow, I can't imagine. How did that pregnancy compare to your singleton pregnancy?

I have heard many women's similar stories about the epidural not happening after all because they leave it until too late. I have also heard lots of women complain that the epidural hurts almost as much as labour. For me, I'm just squeamish about having a large needle inserted into my spinal cord--call me crazy. I think I'd rather just stick to what nature designed.

Do you have many midwives in France?

7:04 AM  
Blogger Mairéad said...

I've had three babies.
boy, girl, boy.
Boy 1 = 9 pounds. 36 hours. Savage. Epidural after 30 hours. Damn glad to get it. The epidural did NOT hurt!! everything else did though!!!
Girl 1 = 8 and a half pounds. 6 hours start to finish. No pain relief. Less savage but shockingly fast.
Boy 3 = 10 pounds. 16 hours. Epidural immediately. Thanks be to Jesus at that weight!!!!
No C sections.
All so different.
Never say never!!!

5:58 PM  
Blogger Klokka said...

Intruding once again; I'd just like to say that, according to my midwife, the most difficult (i.e. most painful) births are premature births and very tiny babies. She also said that c-sections take longer to recover from.

The most important thing though, is that every woman and every birth is different. Throughout my pregnancy, I was absolutely terrified by the thought of giving birth. I was actually so afraid that my blood pressure rocketed me into hospitalisation.. (It didn't really help with all the women coming up to me telling me about every last gory detail of their terrible births… why is a pregnant woman public domain, really?) Point being: sometimes a c-section is a medical necessity. Sometimes an epidural is a necessity. You never know beforehand. This is one thing you really can't direct on your own. Somehow, at this point, the body has an intelligence of its own (usually referred to as instincts..).

(To the great wonder and puzzlement of the midwife, my blood pressure actually sank during the actual child birth. Am absolutely convinced that was a result of relaxing (strangely enough) when I discovered that I was in a situation that I would get through alive. No horror movie. And you get to meet the person you're carrying!)

6:52 PM  
Blogger whyioughtta said...

Mairead, Klokka: Thanks for sharing your experiences in a non-terrifying, realistic way. I agree, Klokka: it's like you suddenly become a target for horror stories involving tearing flesh and blood and other fluids that shall remain nameless.

I am scared of the pain to come, but I'm going to try to just roll with it and do whatever I need to do to have a healthy, safe birth. I totally agree with both of you that you can never say never before the actual event--anything can happen.

(p.s. Mairead: 8,9, & 10 LBS???!!!! Yowza. You'd better not have any more babies...you're heading for an 11-pounder!)

12:33 PM  
Blogger tsduff said...

I remember standing outside on Easter Sunday, watching my first two small daughters run around gathering Easter Eggs in the front yard... thinking "Dang, the baby HAS to come out... " my 3rd and last child (my son) was born that evening. I had all three of them naturally, and actually my middle child was born 10 minutes after I walked through the hospital doors. Yes, it hurts, but hey, you forget about it. I wish you a painfree child birth - you'll be fine :)

9:19 PM  

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