Wednesday, May 30, 2007

My favourite aphrodisiac

My husband and I have been married for 4 years, but we've been together about 13 years--most of our adult lives.

When you've been with someone for that long, certain civilities tend to fall to the wayside. Digestive cumulus are openly expelled. Zits are popped in the cold light of day. Teeth are picked, crotches are rearranged. Etcetera.

The thing is, I have this...fetish.

It's kind of wild, but I go crazy for it.

It's politeness.

Seriously. I'm a politeisist. That's my totally made-up word for someone who gets turned on by politeness. When a man is polite and pleasant and debonnair in a genuine and non-slimy way (ooooo baby), I don't just think to myself, "aww...what a nice guy." I get a little...well, turned on actually. Not that I'd ever act on it, you understand. I'm married. Also, someone with manners would politely decline a married woman.

It's a hard fetish to indulge, though. Politeness porn is virtually nonexistent (oh for amateur video of a man opening a door and then tipping his hat to a lady...rowwwrrrrrr....). There are no chat rooms where we can talk "clean" to each other. There is no such publication as "Niceboy" or "Genthouse". Sigh.

Not that my husband isn't polite, of course. In fact, that's a big part of why I fell in love with him. He is a gentleman and he is honest and he wears his heart on his sleeve. And he is quite pleasant and easy to speak with. And he holds the door for me. And...oh my. What was I saying?

There's definitely not enough politeness anymore. --If there ever really was. It's sort of a gentle glue that lovingly binds people to one another. Or maybe it's more like a helpful virus that you catch when some stranger is nice to you and pass on to the next person you meet. I know this is starting to read like a Christian Science billboard, but you know what I mean.

And I'm not talking about basic non-rudeness. I'm talking about manners and genuine courtesy and a willingness to smile at and chat with a complete stranger. There's a fundamental openness and approachability to the politeness I'm talking about, but more importantly, there's a self-confidence to it that is...highly...attractive. It's like you're saying, "I know who I am and what I feel is the right thing to do, and that's what I'm going to live by..." Sigh.

I was at a parking lot pay meter the other night and it kept rejecting my $5 bill. There were these two guys standing behind me, checking me out but everytime I'd turn around to smile and roll my eyes at the stupid machine and crack jokes in pleasant comeraderie, they'd turn away from me and mumble or make a phone call or something. That's when it hit me: basic politeness is such a turn-on and basic...whatever they were such a turn-off. It's like they put up this wall where they stood on one side, checking me out like a piece of meat, and when I tried to relate to them as another person, they rejected my attempts.

How rude.

How unattractive.

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Blogger Ann-imal said...

I understand where you are coming from! Had those boys and an OUNCE of chivalry in them, they would have asked to switch out another five bucks to see if theirs would work... I blame their parents (hahaha!) and the fact that there is not enough chivalry displayed in the media like in the "golden oldies"... All the of the classic black and white movies show "stars" actually being "nice" and it was cool then...

My fetish - watching a man to house work! Rrrrrreeeeeoooowwww!

3:11 PM  
Blogger jackp said...

i'll kill them!!!!!!!!!!!


how was your day dear?

(that's my secret mix of kicking ass, then being polite)

10:21 PM  
Blogger Fat Sparrow said...

"Politeness porn is virtually nonexistent (oh for amateur video of a man opening a door and then tipping his hat to a lady...rowwwrrrrrr...)"

I can't remember which comedian it came from, buuuuutttt.... "Porn for women would consist of a bunch of naked men sitting in a circle, talking about their feelings," or something like that. I did a Google search for it and now someone out there at Google is probably laughing their ass off at "porn for women comedian naked men talking about their feelings."

I'm with you on that politeness thing, though. Rough trade is one thing, but rude bastards need not apply.

2:43 AM  
Blogger Nameless4Now said...

Well there you go! Just proves there's something for everyone...

Really really, great post. You might be onto the start of something big. I'll think about you next time I hold the door open for someone!


9:45 AM  
Blogger Kav said...

There's a lot to be said for a bit of manners, for sure. I'm polite, but sometimes the self-confidence thing gets in the way. It's hard being self-assured enough all the time to pull it off. I work with a guy like that, it comes naturally to him, and he'd charm the shoes off a horse.

9:51 AM  
Blogger whyioughtta said...

Ann-imal: Eggsactly. (p.s.I miss you my darling. How are you?) Yes...classic films are a great ideal. Of course, many of those debonnaire actors were raging alcoholic wife-beaters, but let's stay focused on the characters they played...and yes: Rowrrr to labouring man muscles...

Jackp: Tee hee

FS: I, like the Google people, am now laughing my ass off. Hilarious.

N4N: Fight the good fight, my friend. (By which I mean: don't fight, open doors instead.)

Kav: You have your sexy Irish brogue, clever wit, and wonderful turns of phrase (case in point: "he'd charm the shoes off a horse"). Also very nice hair. Don't let Mr. Smoove bring you down.

3:43 PM  
Blogger Manuel said...

LMM hasnt yet got to the point of accepting my toenail picking, farting, crotch arranging etc. If/when she does i'll probably marry her.

7:40 PM  
Blogger whyioughtta said...

LMM: Did you hear that? How can you refuse?


1:01 PM  
Blogger Around My Kitchen Table said...

Dear Miss Nobloodyblog Addresses-Available,
I am writing this thank you note in gratitude for such an apposite post. Politeness costs nothing and is evidence of a civilised society. So thank you for drawing my attention to the subject. Thank you. And thank you again.
Yours most sincerely and thank you,
Kit Table
PS. Thank you

3:40 PM  
Blogger angrycandy said...

totally agree...with whyioughtta and shyness often gets in the way of my politeness (have trouble making eye contact and talking to strangers! eeegads! never! as for cute strangers! unfathomable, unless i've had a few pints) for politeness in men, on my first date with my current beau he struck up very easy conversations with a) the clerks at american apparel (you know the horribly snotty 20 somethings who usually don't serve you as they are too busy talking about last nite's party with the other cool snotty clerks), various shopkeepers, the cab driver and the waiter at the restaurant who ended up not charging us for our drinks and giving us a crazy discount on our meal. moral of story, being polite pays haha...actually, i was awed and impressed by how nice everyone was to him and very attracted by his self-confidence. and it was entirely due to his large smile, eye contact, an easy going interest in what they had to say, and yes, politeness. but he was raised by people in their 70's so there you go...

5:22 PM  
Blogger jackp said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

6:29 PM  
Blogger whyioughtta said...

Kit Table: First: welcome, new blog friend. I will skip over to your place after this. Then: You must be've diligently met the 3 thank-you minimum. Thanks for that. Seriously, thanks.

Thanks again, W.

AC: Of course politeness is its own reward, but also has fringe economic benefits!

p.s.: comment above was removed by me because I was logged in as my husband...because he didn't log rude! :^)

6:31 PM  
Blogger Nameless4Now said...

Re Polite Canadians...

A guy is making a withdrawal at the ATM. How do you he is Canadian?

When he's done he says 'Thanks' to the machine.

6:47 AM  
Blogger whyioughtta said...

N4N: I often catch myself saying "please" to the dog. It's a sickness.

2:59 PM  

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