Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Whyioughtta and Friends to start new Canadian federal party: the Party Party

This just in...because I know for a fact that a friend of mine will be checking this blog...and we just communicated by e-mail...and we were just talking about this.

We have decided to start a new Canadian political party, called the Party Party, or possibly the Cocktail Party Party (the CPP). We'll sit slightly to the left of the NDP because, frankly, their conversation skills are atrocious.

We're not sure what our platform will be, although we know it will revolve vaguely around mixed drinks. We've already come up with some nifty slogans, though. And after all, isn't that what really matters in politics?:

"We put the "Party" in the party"!

"A chicken in every pot, and an olive in every drink!"

"CPP, yeah you know me, boyeee!"

"It's time for a cosmopolitan Canada...I mean 'It's time for a Cosmopolitan, Canada!!" (see? punctuation DOES matter)
"First we take Manhattan. The we drink Manhattans."

“CPP – the party with a twist (of lemon)”

“We support metrosexual marriage”

“We’re seeking Absolut power”

You get the idea.

Our first Act of Parliament would be to institute the Drink Measures Act (not to be confused with the War Measures Act--how declasse): "Be it resolved that all martinis shall be upped to a 4-ounce minimum, effective immediately."

We've got a few new drink names as well:

The Conservatini – a virgin drink. Water with a splash of …water.

The Martintini – a martini that’s twice as expensive with half the booze, but you don’t pay any taxes on it

Stranded Jetski (this one came from Stockwell--er, I mean 'Doris'--Day's private collection)

1 part politcal reform.

1 part conservative alliance.

1 dashed photo op.

Serve with humble pie.

We need something like 100,000 signatures to actually become an official party. We're still working out the details, but we will get this going. First, though, I'm feeling a little parched...


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